A few months ago, I was buying a large canvas for an art project, and I had this thought...
I've gone through periods lately where it feels like nothing is happening, and then through times where it seems like everything in my life is changing all at once.
My stance lately has been to sit back and question "what in the world is God thinking?". But as I was starting to work on this collage, I realized- this time in my life is a little bit less like empty, white, scary space, and a little bit more like a blank canvas.
I really have no idea what God is doing in my life or what the picture will turn out to be, but it's also really not my job to know. I don't need to sit around complaining that I just want all this hard work of growing up to be finished, or worrying about whether my life will look right to outsiders.
God knows exactly what He's doing, and even though I don't have the perspective He does on the picture, I'm learning to appreciate the beauty I can see from my vantage point.
This collage sat blank in my room for a few weeks, and then I painted a base coat, let it dry, drew the outline, started the collage, and right now it is sitting in my room unfinished.
Sometimes it feels to me like God has just left me sitting here, totally blank, or it feels like nothing is happening. Other times are painful as I can feel Him stripping away things that shouldn't be in my life.
But He actually knows exactly what He's doing with me. He's got a plan, and it might even be beautiful. So I think I'm okay with living through the process and trusting God with the big picture.