the glorious unknown

Last night Christy and I went to A Night with the Chapmans (Steven Curtis Chapman, his sons Will and Caleb Chapman's band, and his wife Mary Beth speaking about the death of their daughter Maria). When we bought the tickets in September, I had no idea what good timing this would be.

October 12 was the 5 year anniversary of my Grandma's death, always a hard time for me. October 13, our friend Todd passed away after being diagnosed with CJD, a rare brain disease, just one month earlier. We got back from the funeral on Wednesday, and Thursday I got a call with some tragic news about some old friends from college. So needless to say, it was amazing timing to hear from people who have experienced so much suffering and are actively believing in God's goodness.

These last few months have been challenging for me. So many changes (plenty of them good!)- from a promotion at work, to my parents moving here, taking Greek, and dealing with conflict (not my favorite thing :) . In many ways I've held up well- I'm learning a ton, growing, continuing to be grateful for how much I've been given, and even keeping my house clean. At other times, I've just felt sorry for myself- 'oh poor me, I'm so single and 25, and just working instead of changing the world at age 20 with my amazing writing skills.' I know, it's pathetic.

Since Todd's death, I've been so encouraged by the closeness of heaven. All these insane things - from broken machines at work, to death- really are just temporary. I am encouraged anew to just keep it simple: to do what God tells me, even when it's hard, and to eagerly await His appearing, even when the wait seems so long.



Caleb Chapman told the story of how the day Maria died, he was praying for some sort of picture of comfort and purpose in the middle of this pain...and God gave him this picture:
The pain of Maria's death was like being close up to a large canvas. As a family, they were so close to the grief and pain that the picture looked totally blurry. But as time passed and they got further from the day Maria died, God would show them the beauty that would come out of this experience. Unable to see the full picture until eternity, they have to wait.

"God, can't you see? Can't you see your children at your feet?
God can't you hear? Can't you hear our cries for you to come?
Silent you seem while we wait in the darkness of our past
But silent you're not, find our hearts, find us comfort, find us fast.

We will wait/ we will wait, God
We will wait/ we will wait, God
We will wait
And with this weight on our chest, we gather up the breath to sing this song
But as one we confess, we do not have the strength to carry on
So wait, though we wait, we rejoice in the suffering we all share
For these stones that are thrown upon us
are stones that fallen from us
we would bear

We will wait with our fires burning bright
We will wait when it withers in the night
We will wait when we rise and when we fall
we will wait, God
We will wait through every season of this song
We will wait on mountain tops and valleys low
We will wait for you to come restore the old
we will wait, God

Come, Abba Father, come let your light shine down
Come, Abba Father, come let your light shine down"

-Caleb

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, 'Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,
and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.'
And He who sits on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new.'"

-Revelation 21:3-5a